Holiday

I am not worried about Swine Flu, because when it reaches a critical point, when it achieves apocalyptic proportions--when the government admits to us that we have reached the true and terrifying nadir, I am going to calmly turn to the Decameron for inspiration, and take my friends to a secluded (preferably seaside) villa, where we will while away the mean and uncertain days of scourge in a perfect idyll, a state of suspended animation, lounging about in Slankets and Snuggies, reciting bawdy stories to one another.

We will have thoughtfully laid in a generous cache of foodstuffs and other provisions--being sure to order them online so as to avoid the grocery stores and their cashiers and customers and grubby currency--disease carriers, all! So we will be well-provided for and carefree, basically on holiday, since our offices will be shuttered.

I only hope that the pandemic reaches level 6 before Memorial Day, when rates on vacation rentals will balloon to the "peak season" rates.